I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
