3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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