$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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