so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
