Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
