I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
