So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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