The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
