but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
