yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm passing your future prison.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
