Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
