How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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