I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
