When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This is my gift to your gina
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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