So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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