My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
