Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
