Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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