I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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