I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
