Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
