i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
