Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
