Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
