you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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