Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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