How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he was CRYING into my vagina
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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