why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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