So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
