Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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