I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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