When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
