At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
