my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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