dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
