Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
