Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
