you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
