This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
They took my balls.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
