I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
