I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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