I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
