i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
