I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
