TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have fence marks all over my body
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
