So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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