im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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