YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize