i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
