Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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