Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
