My nipple is on Facebook.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
